i woke up this morning, hearing one of my relatives, one of my grand parents, yelled at my mom. he sweared all his way to the front of our house. later on, i was online on msn. met marisa, and he told me that jedi is going to lombok and bali. if that's not enough, i still have to watch over my house. in case some of my other darn relatives come by and start to entering the house violently.
 
i feel depressed, i feel angry, i feel sad, i feel betrayed, i feel bitter, i feel disappointed, i feel so damn lonely.
 
i told marisa, that she can slap me right on my face the next time i ever talk about jedi, or even mentioning his name again. it's too hard to bear, and i dont want to be a foolish to bear it alone again. what he did to me, was not an act of faithfulness to his girlfriend. after a lot of thinking and tearing my naive mind, i finally have the courage to say that what he felt for me is not love, it's lust. and i feel dirty, ashame, and unworthy because of that. i am not born to be humiliated by the one i love, by the one that i thought he love me.
 
in the end, the truth is that he doesn't care for me that much. everything was a lie, and i've been living in one for such a long time. it's eating me alive, and i had enough with it.
 
most of the people i know defending him so much. so ... today, this morning, i cried. i want to laugh at my problems, but i cry instead. so much for being a tough person. it looks like everything i've got is fading away. everything is not as they may seem. it's all a lie.
 
everything is a lie.